Great, now that I've lost half an audience, let's get started!
In my distant future, I see myself sitting down with my child and watching with them, in order, Mean Girls and Legally Blonde. With examples of how not to treat others, I believe in proactively providing examples of how you should treat others.
Relatively recently, people have loved the idea of feminism. Who else wants to support women in equal treatment in society? But as the bandwagon has grown, we also see people who desire acceptance into a movement that may also demand some introspection. Not many, including myself, expected this to be a journey of trying to change one's own ideas of feminism as much as those of the world.
A few times over the years, I've heard someone, usually a woman, say something like, "I'm not one of 'those' girls." Something about that really bothered me, and for a long time, I couldn't put my finger on why.
When we (as women, as people) begin to distinguish acceptable behavior that we feel comfortable supporting, we also put qualifiers on how we are willing to respond to actions that deviate from our standards. When a woman says, "I'm not like that," what she is really saying is that she believes she has a more attuned moral compass, in some way, than women who make different choices: whether it be when and with whom they sleep (the most-referenced behavior, I've found), to what they wear, with whom they spend their time, and what they do.
When you add qualifiers to what kind of women you support, it's different from saying what kind of actions you support. It's understandable that you don't support certain actions--no one person can be expected to be supportive of every single choice every person can make. But when you change the receiver of your support from actions to the holistic person, you discriminate between groups of people at a time--rather than hearing out their context. No one expects you to support toxic people. But stating that you don't support a certain type of person gives you an out to then lash out whenever you deem it necessary--and that's counterproductive to being a feminist.
Another part of this is an ideation that as a woman, everyone should know that you inherently support women, and therefore cannot not be a feminist. Was that wordy enough?
Think of it this way: To some, being a woman is enough action taken to be granted a very exclusive entry onto the Noah's Ark on the great wave of Feminism that is sweeping the nations. We can't demand that someone actually hold themselves to their word--I mean, it would be pretty difficult to prove. But the next time someone calls herself a feminist, I ask, does this include women of color? Do you take into account the struggles of people different from you? The different struggles of people who are like you? Even poor decisions that women have had to live with and grow from? Hard choices made in the face of even worse choices? Is your boat too small to hold all these people? Or are you unwilling to build it bigger? I'm fine with the idea that women should no longer be hassled for our "basic" Pumpkin Spice Lattes, or our tiny short shorts, or our desire to have a computer fixed at the Best Buy without being asked on a date (I mean, seriously?). But the issues are much, much deeper than that. And if you demand inclusion, in name, into a movement, the movement might just demand (at the very least) some deep thinking from you.